Organic Chemistry: Afterthoughts

I'm done with Ochem. Just took the 140C final... I feel so... frustrated.

Nothing sums my feelings up better than this: Komm, süßer Tod

Don't get me wrong, I'm not out-of-my-mind-suicidal. I'm not even angry, not at the subject, the series, the professor, or even that annoying TA. I'm just...

I'm so disappointed in myself.

I can't even count the number of times I said that I'd improve, just to set myself up to fail again.

"It's okay, academics aren't all there is to life. Maybe it's the subject or the professors. Maybe, it's the environment. Might it be my peers?"

No. It's me. It's the incompetent cowardice. It's that prideful, complacent, thick-skulled side of me.

WHEN WILL YOU EVER ADMIT THE FACT THAT YOU ARE WRONG?! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU THINKING IN THAT VOID OF A BRAIN YOU CALL YOUR HEAD, DIPSHIT?!

I'm not going to cry over this. I'm going to go outside, run until I can't run any more. I'm going to see things the way they should be seen: the big picture.

May this be a reflection, a reminder, and hopefully a fork in the road long traveled.

I hope I can change...